Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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