So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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