i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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