got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
