My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize