oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
