i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
