this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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