I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
