You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
