the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
