I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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