So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
