No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
