I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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