i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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