The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
