The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
