We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
