I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
