Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This baby is an asshole
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
