there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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