Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
