Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
