break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
