So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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