I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
