Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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