I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
