So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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