i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
