Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
