hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
