My nipple is on Facebook.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
