Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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