Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize