My hand turned me down
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
