I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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