nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
