and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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