Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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