You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
