I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize