im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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