my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
accomplished twins. life is a go
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
