He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
