sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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