I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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