I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
