Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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