she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
