bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
