they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
