I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
