I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this just has baby written all over it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
