So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
