I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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