Already got asked if we're dating
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
