No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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