I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
