Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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