Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
