I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
