i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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