Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
