goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
