i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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