Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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