Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
