The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
