the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
