I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
