Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
