the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
