Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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